J2EE: Oh really?

As we Domino developers rush head first into a workplace-J2EE-Websphere-Portal kind of world, it is often quite sobering to read stuff like J2EE Questions No One Else Dared to Ask

As the Buzzcocks said "What do I get?".

UKULELE: A purchase. Start as you mean to go on.

Well, I've been shopping. Down in the west end today with my mate Spiney Norman; wouldn't you know it i've gone an bought me a new ukulele. I mashed up the bridge on my old cheapy one - whilst doing a Pete Townsend windmill guitar finish - so I felt I ought to push the boat out and get a posh one.

The picture to the right shows the new "uke" next to a standard dreadnought guitar. Better still, next the "uke" is the free "gig bag" that came with it. It has straps on the back so you can wear it like a ruck sack. When I put it on I look like ... well.. like a twat I suppose.

Make your ukulele bleed Bjorn!

EJB & MVC: Xmas observations for the obsessive compulsive

EJB: Big and Scary
I am scared of Enterprise Java Beans. They sound a bit butch for a cheesey Domino charlie like me. So it is often a relief to read:

Fowler's first law of Distributed Object Design: Don't distribute your objects!

But then you have a quick surf and you find:

Let's start out with the reasons that most people think are important for deciding between EJB and Java classes, but are actually not important at all. ... read more

Perhaps they are not scary after all Veronica.

Model View Controller Considered Harmful!
Lordy. The IBM stuff is packed to the gills with MVC stuff. Struts and more Struts and then you read:

"the origins of the Model-View-Controller (MVC) design pattern and its misapplication to servlet framework architectures".

As Shaggy said "heeeey Scoob!"

That was a bit dull mate, spotted anything else
Yeah ... There's that saying "see Naples and die". Well, I think I should have been "See this gig and die". Greatest ever 'soul' show - ain't that the truth sister!

DB2: Humbug

It was the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse .....

No hang on. There a bloke drinking port and doing an on-line DB2 tutorial. Holy Jesus what a saddo! Quick call the Ghost of Xmas past!

It's not a bad little tutorial but you occasionally stumble upon lines like:

• Advisors are part of the IBM autonomic computing effort, which aims to make software and hardware more SMART (self-managing and resource tuning)!


• Remember, practice makes perfect!


• lets hear it for the DB2 tools

As Engelbert Humperdinck said "Please release me let me go."

DOMINO: A summary of the Roadmap

XMAS: Roy of the Rovers

Here's what I would like for Xmas. Turns out that Toffs are doing replica shirts for Roy of the Rovers' team Melchester Rovers.

I think I am getting some Hi-Karate deoderant though :-(

BLOGGING: Comments feature bombshell

As you may know I am unable to use any of the popular Domino based blogging templates. This is not for any technical reason or lack of budget. Quite simply, if I were to have use Lotusscript out of work hours I would get a nose bleed and fall in a ditch.

Given these restrictions I have chosen to publish this blog via Blogger. Blogger is nothing short of fab and has recently been purchased by Google. Blogger does have limitations however: no RSS feed and no comments are two. There is talk of Blogger-Pro re-emerging but for now us blogger posters have to go elsewhere.

This blog is mainly for my vain and pointless ejaculations, so I was unsure wether to add a comments feature. My main concern was people posting things about cheap Cambodian Viagra or links to their amputee fetish forum. Well, I stumbled accross Squawkbox and had a change of heart. So from now on under each link is a comments link. This will give you, dear reader, the ability to comment at length on the important topics that I unearth.

"Nice feature Monkey-Programmer-Boy. But if a tree falls in an empty Blog does it make a sound?"

GLASTONBURY: A leathery old herbert speaks

Lordy! My mate Duncan has got a scanner and sent me this old pic of myself at Glastonbury '89. Aahhh memories.

I don't know why but I had decided it would be a good idea to buy a beret. Also note a Rizzla on the nose as improvised sun protection.

It was the wild west in those days. No coppers on the site and no cigarettes left by sunday morning. Bit different these days, what with all the kids on their phones...... moan moan.

"Oh shut up Richard you crusty old fool. Anyhow, shouldn't you be going to Glyndebourne?"

LOTUSSCRIPT: Sax Parsing for the nervous.

Here at Cheese International we are very keen on scanning applications. We need to know if they are using any code that will not work on the new server platform. This is vital, because if the applications don't work the new Wensleydale may not get to the shops for xmas.

I thought it would be a splendid idea to export the design of each application as DXL and then scan (using a SAX parser) for various offending items, like hardcoded server names and wintel specific stuff. It was all going swimmingly until someone noticed it wasn't exporting outlines. Blast!

After a quick post on notes.net it turns out only the outline headers are exported, but only in a raw format, and the outline entries don't appear at all.

So can you fully search a notes database using DXL? Nope, not yet. Close but no cigar.

Still the guys on notes net did alert me to the rather nifty DDSearch plug-in. This dosn't find outline entries either though ;-(

POCKETPC: Blogging on the move.....

On the train to Manchester. Blogging via ipaq, bluetooth, GPRS and Sony T610.

Harpenden
Luton
Market Harborough
Leicester
.....

Who says the Orient Express is the greatest train journey in the world?

I would have caught the Virgin service from Euston but they wanted 175 quid! You can get a weeks full board in Loret de Mar for that and have change for a donkey.


***** Postscript ********
The only thing you can't do is upload a file. The file upload control on the Blogger website does not appear to work in Pocket Internet Explorer. I had taken this picture of myself with the picture messaging on the T610 phone; bluetoothed it to the ipaq but could do nothing with it. I am now evaluating FTP utils for the PocketPC so I have the full mobile Blogging toolkit.

"Oh give it a rest Richard, your starting to sound like a total nerdo-odd-bod, stop now before it's too late man."

Oh I suppose your right. Beep.

WEBSPHERE: Certification

My Certificate arrived today. Not in the post but via email as a PDF. Save the planet I suppose. Apparently this enables me to:

"provide a means of displaying your achievement to your co-workers, business associates and friends"

Could have done with a little badge though; a nice shiny one. It would have looked great alongside all my Lotus and Java ones. They look brilliant on my blazer. I have all my computer certifications down one side and my Airfix Modellers Badge on the other. Cool.

XMAS: This year's Xmas Song

Ok, feeling festive. Lets get the some xmas songs from the MP3 collection .. what's it going to be?

Slade: Merry Xmas Everybody No.
Do they Know its Xmas - Band Aid Oh god no.
All I want for xmas is you - Mariah Carey Absolutely not.
Marshmallow World - The Crystals Maybe.
Jingle Bells - Boney M For crying out loud.
Sleigh Ride - Boston Pops.mp3 Nah.
Grab Your Balls - Bob Rivers.mp3 Could be.
Step Into Xmas - Elton John.mp3 Ooo no.
Frosty the Snowman - The Ronnettes.mp3 Hmmmm.
Ring Out Solstice Bells - Jethro Tull.mp3 A Tull xmas song ? I don't think that would be wise.
In Duldi Jubilo - Mike Oldfield.mp3 Good Grief.
Simply Having a wonderful xmas time - Paul McCartney.mp3 <rather gnaw own hand off >.

Ahh.

Otis Redding: Merry Xmas, Baby ... .. . . . of course.

I feel mighty fine, y'all,
I got music on my radio,
Feel mighty fine, girl,
I got music on my radio,
I feel like I'm going to kiss you,
Standing beneath that mistletoe.

Santa came down the chimney,
Half past three, y'all,
Left all 'em good old presents,
For my baby and for me,
Merry Christmas, baby,
You sure did treat me nice,
You bought all the good old presents,
I love you baby, for the rest of my life.

J2ME: Java 2 Mobile Edition in something a bit smaller than a nutshell: Episode 1

It can only be a matter of time before the majority of mobile phones are Java enabled. Here's a quick Spuggy Software guide on how to write a J2me application.

Why do I like J2me? Well it's fun and it's a challenge. You are constrained in memory, bandwidth and you have to worry how big your file sizes are. It takes me back to my Texas Instruments Ti994a with 16k of memory; when men were men and they stayed in their bedrooms and wrote computer programs. Above all, it is not big hairy arsed and lazy, like Visual-Doo-Dah for windows 6.9.

All that fun stuff aside, dontcha think that the handheld device is going to be THE standard user interface for the 21st century? Are we all going to sit infront of big computers forever?

"Yes Rodney, we could be Miwleeonaires"

WEBSPHERE: Exam-a-rama

Futher to my warblings about passing Websphere certifications, I managed to pass exam 285 this morning.

This makes me, ahem, an IBM Certified Associate Developer - WebSphere Studio, V5.0. Furthermore; the lady at the testing centre told me that, "From now on Mr Spence, everywhere you go the kids will wanna rock." Who would have thought?

So how did you prepare Richard?
Well I bought this book: An Introduction to Web Application Development with IBM Websphere Studio . It comes with a time limited copy of Websphere Express and Websphere Studio.

I read the book, went through the exercises and did the end of chapter tests. You'll need a meaty machine as Websphere is a big old girl (1 gig of RAM, decent processor). You will also need to read the README on the cd carefully as you need to install some extras that are not in the book's install guide.

Finally, I did the $10 on-line practice exam the day before the exam and passed. Doing the practice exam really helped as there is quite a bit on the exam that is not in the book (although in the objectives) the practice made me aware of this.

The pass mark required was 53% <coughs>

So what did you learn smartypants?
Passing the exam has got me up to speed with Websphere studio and filled a few gaps in my J2EE knowledge. I tend to run screaming from most large IDEs, so this is no mean feat. I liked the book as it was not just a the usual "click on the file menu" trudge through the features non-book. It was well thought out and dealt with real word J2EE issues like, mapping, controller servlets, formbeans action patterns and data access brokers. I'd reccomend it.

So how much did it all cost monkey-programmer-boy?
The book 34 pounds, the exam about 55 pounds, the practice exam 7 pounds and the taxi back from Twickenham was 8 quid. So around a £100.

So what now?
I am going to re-write my firm's creaking enterprise Domino app in Websphere. Why? Beacause it's there and for England, dammit.

LOGARITHMS: Phew what a relief!

Thank god for that! Visited me ma's the other day and at long last I found my logarithm tables. It's been tough without them these long years; what with not knowing the logs of numbers and stuff. I realise you can use a calculator 'n all but where is the glory in that?

I feel extremely fortunate to have been taught about logarithms, despite the fact that I have never ever used them and have completely forgotten what they are for. Click on the image to see the tables in their full splendor.

I notice that the log of 6.1 is 0.785; fascinating. As Bob Dylan said, "Twenty Years of schooling and they put you on the day shift."

GOOGLE: Add your own free site search

Just added a site search in five minutes using the free google web search. Paste a quick form into the page and Bob is your aunties' live in lover as we say here in cheesetown. No nasty domino searches, no explaining odd behaviour to confused users. A breeze.

"Hey we knew how to do this ages ago Richard you loser."

Oh hush now, you spiteful computer nitwits.

PATTERNS:Dating Design Patterns: The Suppressed Research

Design patterns are very handy and informative. I have banged on about them before. Some people get carried away and see the use for patterns in other areas, take Dating Design Patterns: The Suppressed Research for instance.

Is this funny or sad or both?

Blogging from Google Toolbar

Blogging from the the google toolbar, it's just fab. Get the google toolbar and click the little Blogger button and blog stuff. It even copies in the the text you have highlighted in IE.

"Hey we all knew that Richard!"

Well I didn't dammit!

Easily pleased me.

Monkey-Programmer-Boy: Trapped on planet Lotusscript

WEBSPHERE: War and Peace

There's some good stuff in developer works, like this:

"Recommended Reading List: Websphere Application Server"

I am going to download it all to the Dell pocket pc alongside all the Redbooks. I now estimate I will be dead before I finish it all. My grandson will finish it posthumously for me in 2086.

WEBSPHERE PORTAL: desperate measures

I have just returned from my son Eddie's school xmas panto. He bellowed out his number like a short Howard Keel; splendid as ever. Whilst waiting for the Nedmeister's stellar performance, I killed time by reading the rather informative "IBM Websphere Portal Handbook V5" on the Dell Pocket PC.

I couldn't help but notice the following sentence:

"At the core of the challenges currently being faced by Web developers is the integration of desperate user content into a seamless Web application and well designed user interface."

How very true.

WSAD: It can be manly in the debugger.

Debugging HTTP posts with WSAD:

1. Create a TCP/IP monitoring Server


2. Create a form.


3. Post to a servlet.


4. Right click to debug the form on the server.


5. WSAD browser Launches.


6. Fill in the form and post.


7. Debugger kicks in.


8. Step thru the servlet code.


9. Gaze in wonder at all the windows.


10. Check out the request input stream. (see pic)

It can be manly in the debugger you know.

Dodge City

In the Dodge City that is corporate IT, who are we? Are we the handsome, young Clint Eastwood in a Fist Full Of Dollars; chewing on a cheroot; hand twitching nervously over our Smith & Websphere revolver?

Or

Are we stuck in "Every Which Way But Loose" next to a big Orangutan that farts and thumps people? Beats me. But I think we all know; that down in the saloon; Doc.net Holiday has a royal flush; he's drinking bourbon and he's just finished his crisps.

WEBSPHERE: Is that a redbook in your pocket?

This week I find myself downloading all the Websphere Redbooks to my Dell Pocket PC. They are very readable with the rather fab Adobe Acrobat reader for Pocket PC. The diagrams are a bit iffy but otherwise a very handy resource. Much better that carrying around a shed load of books.

I estimate I will have read them all by 2031, by which time I will be incontinent and living in a residential home near Brean Sands.