Paddling in the Danube

As winter draws on and your huge, plague-of-locusts like family consumes all you earn, a chap may lean towards melancholy. Look back on the year and ask yourself: did I do anything barmy, bonkers or even vaguely interesting in 2004?

Me, I paddled in the Danube. It cheers me up to think of it.

Make sure you plan something potty next year.

Here I am in the Danube, in cycling shorts and Newcastle United away kit.

Die hard with a dialog box

With the deadline for the cheddar ordering system drawing closer, the net tightens on Monkey Programmer Boy.

Ecademy

I am networking via Ecademy. There is only one little Japanese bloke who is interested in ukulele. Pah.

Top Shelf Charlie

In my adolescence I developed an nasty habit of glancing up at the top shelf in newsagents and magazine shops. This, of course, was all due to the sorts of pornographic periodicals that were on display. This habit has never really left me.

Having eventually seen a lady with no clothes on for real, I have kind of lost interest in their erotic nature (the magazines not ladies) and am more fascinated by who on earth buys them (honest).

Today, for instance, I was queuing up to buy an envelope (honest) and happened to glance upwards. On sale was "Dirty Grans". On the cover was a grimacing grey haired lady with legs akimbo. As I stepped up to the till I noticed that shop was staffed entirely with Grannies. You have to admire the steely eyed porn-consumer that has the guts to march into this shop, roughly pull down a copy of "Dirty Grans" and buy one whilst staring a not-so-dirty old gran in the eye? Takes some doing I imagine(honest).

This reminded me of a time when I was queueing up in a typical small asian newsagents in Ealing (honest). It was run by the usual polite upstanding Sikh family. As ususal, as the man infront of me paid his paper bill, my eyes were drawn upwards.

This time, rather than magazines, Mr Singh had invested in some tasteful vidoes to titilate his customers. There were only two to choose from: "Biker Sluts" and my personal favorite "Full of Cream".

What got me thinking was that at some point in the month the Rep for these videos must turn up and something like this must happen:

Rep: "Can I interest you in any more titles from our rough rider collection Mr Singh?"
Mr Singh: "Yes Mr Carruthers, but can we make it two 'full of creams' this month as we can't shift the 'Biker Sluts' for love nor money"

Anyhow ... back to the Java (Honest).